Post-Partum Depression & Spinning Plates {Part 2}

I cried out to Jesus for help.  He must have heard my cry, but it still felt impossible to sense his presence at all. 

All along this journey I had been spinning plates; trying to keep up appearances of the perfect mother and wife. 

It just all came crashing down so suddenly.  Then it happened.  I realized that I had fallen down the rabbit hole.  

I wanted out so desperately and as I cried out to God daily with my baby in arms and my toddler hanging on my knee I wondered if God could hear me at all.

I was so far down.  So very far down that hole.  Was I going to be able to come back?

At the urging of my husband I went to the Doctor and he gave me several months supply of samples of anti-depressants. 

I was on those pills for two months.  I didn’t cry, rage, or have suicidal thoughts but I also didn’t laugh, smile, and feel…anything.  I felt numb.

Then one day I just decided that I couldn’t live like that anymore.  I didn’t want to feel depressed but I also wanted to feel again. 

I stopped taking those pills cold turkey. 

A week had passed and I was feeling like my old self again; the self I once was before this post-partum had taken hold of me.

I distinctly remember what happened next.  I went to change my baby’s diaper just like I had done a dozen times before.  Everything felt normal until suddenly I started to feel anger and rage.  It felt like something hot climbing up from my feet and slowly rising up my legs.

I thought for a moment why would this be happening?  I don’t want to live like this anymore!  This is NOT who I am and who I am meant to be!

I whispered the only words I knew that would hopefully give me victory. 

“Get off of me in Jesus name!”

As suddenly as it had come on it had left. 

I felt joy again.

I felt freedom.

I was done spinning plates.  I was done with that rabbit hole.

From that moment on, I knew there was something more that I had personally experienced.  I experienced a tool for freedom from a spiritual enemy.

A tool that is also known as deliverance. 

This has been the path I’ve walked.  If you or someone you know is struggling with post-partum depression, I’d love to pray for you. 

Feel free to leave a comment or contact me through my Facebook page @Pathoftheblessing or Twitter @1BlessedPath 

{Links can also be found in the upper right hand corner of this blog site}

Post-Partum Depression & Spinning Plates

In 2000 I felt my mind and emotions slipping away with my first baby.  I adored her, but the world around me was completely overwhelming.  I was able to hide my struggle well enough that even the people who were closest to my, except my husband, never knew.

In 2002 I had my second baby and now I had tripped into the rabbit hole.  My mind and my emotions had teetered over the edge of what seemed to be no return.  Again, I put on my best face and was able to hide it from everyone until the melt down at a restaurant.  It was just too much. 

My baby was crying, there was a hot pot of coffee just above my shoulder, a table full of my husband’s relatives, several of whom I’ve never met, and I’m trying to latch my baby on to calm her. 

The only thing I can remember is I suddenly stood up and said, “I don’t give a damn” and quickly walked out of the restaurant with my baby in arms tears running down my face.

I sat out at the curb next to the car crying. Alone.  That was the moment I knew I needed help.

Jesus. Jesus. If you can hear me, please help me.

It was a miracle what happened in the next few months.  But I’ll write about THAT in my next blog.

3 Ways to Know if You’ve Walked Off the Path of The Blessing

Life isn’t always peaches and cream.  

Life can unexpectedly serve up steamed green beans.  

In my life, I’ve found these 3 ways to be the most common ways I end up finding myself on a path that I didn’t plan on walking. 

Obviously, sin is the #1 answer, but I wanted to get a little bit more personal, so here we go!

1) Relationships.  I’ve chosen friends in my past, that are controlling and I end up becoming the friend that feels the need to make her happy to keep our friendship.  I’ve been a people pleaser.  After the fun of the new friendship wears off, and without healthy boundaries in place, I am resentful of that friend.  This relationship can also be dating relationships and marriages.  -Yikes! I know I’m speaking to someone out there who knows exactly what I mean. 

2) Misuse of Finances.  In years prior, I’ve wanted to fit in so badly with the community that surrounds me that I’ve racked up quite a credit card debt.  I didn’t honor God with the money that he’s blessed me with and I didn’t honor my husband.  I’ve been sneaky.  That path led to regret and mistrust between my husband and me.

3) Following Leaders Who Don’t Lead.  My husband and I have sat under the authority of leaders who don’t lead us deeper into the things of God.  We’ve innocently placed ourselves under such leadership with illusions of grandeur and false expectations.  When the promises fall flat, you see behind the curtain, and you realize it’s never going to happen.  This path is loaded with disappointment and unforgiveness.  This leader can also be a leader at work and in the home, such as your husband. -again, yikes! 

The good news is there is a way to get back onto the Path of the Blessing. -and when I say “the” I’m referring to God’s path for your life. 

If you want to know more, you can find my book, “Path of the Blessing: Abraham, Isaac, Jacob” on Amazon

Pennies from Heaven

Art from Heidi-Malott

Wouldn't it be great if money really did rain down on us whenever there was a storm?  Frank Sinatra made this song famous based on this one idea. (Pennies from Heaven Lyrics) What Frank didn't know is that it’s TRUE!  

Malachi 3:10 … “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”  This blessing that is poured out from heaven can come in many forms depending on what you've brought into it. If you've given God your money, then you will be blessed financially.  If you've given God your time serving others, you’ll be blessed with more opportunities to serve at a higher level of influence. You see, Malachi 3:10 begins like this:  ^“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty. 

My husband, Troy and I serve as lay marriage counselors at our church.  A couple that we meet with was going through a huge financial burden to the point of eating once a day, if that.  After discovering this and the fact that they hadn't eaten yet that day (it was almost 8 pm), my husband took out all the cash we had with us and it was a $20 bill.  The husband’s eyes filled up and he and his wife told us that they had just asked Jesus for $20 on the way to the meeting.  They had been feeling like God didn't see their need and that he didn't hear their prayer.  Only Jesus could have set that up.  Earlier that day, I had been searching for lunch money for my girls, I had seen the $20, but decided not to send it with them and so I took the $3 out instead, leaving the $20.  That night that couple really did get money from heaven, and my husband and I got to be a part of it.

Malachi 3:10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”

Could you use blessings from heaven?  Whether you are going through the storms of life or days full of sunshine and happiness, God’s word stands true.  Jesus has blessings from heaven waiting for you; so much so that you won’t be able to contain it.  Ask Him, it’s really that simple.

If you want to know more how you can live a blessed life, then order my book, Path of the Blessing on Amazon.  Find the Compass that Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob used to discover their most blessed path, and how you can utilize that same compass today!

Heart Song: Death of a Loved One

Today I lost a dear friend to a long battle for life against stage four cancer.  Her name is Colleen and you will find some of her comments on this blog.  She was an encouraging voice in my life and I will miss her immensely.

As I am sorting through my emotions of disbelief and sadness I remembered my book and how death was something Abraham had experienced as well.  So I turned to what I know best, God’s word and the inspiration that he gave me in my book.

 Here is an excerpt from my book, Path of the Blessing:

(Found in Genesis 23)

Walking Through the Valley

   Some time later Abraham was told that his brother Nahor had had sons, one of which was Bethuel who became the father of Rebekah.  This is significant because Rebekah goes on to marry Isaac, Sarah and Abraham’s son.

   Sarah then dies at 127 years old.  She died in Hebron in the land of Canaan.  The bible says that Abraham mourned for Sarah and wept over her at her side.  This is definitely a valley experience, when someone you love dies.

    At some point in all of our lives we will find that we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.  This can be experiencing the death of a loved one, or the death of a relationship.  Just because we are finding ourselves in a valley on our path, doesn’t necessarily mean we have gotten off of our path of blessing.  God has led us there and he will lead us through.

 Psalm 23 “The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 
He makes me lie down in green pastures, 
he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. 
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. 
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, 
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” (NIV)

   If you are finding yourself in a valley right now, keep trusting and following the Lord to lead you through. 

As I finished reading these words, it stood out to me that not only will Jesus lead me through, but that death itself is merely a shadow of the reality of eternity we experience as believers and followers of Jesus Christ.

Psalm 23 in the King James version puts it this way in verse 4, Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Colleen is now reveling in the presence of the Lord, dancing, and basking in the bliss that only Heaven can offer without a care for the old shadow that this world has now become to her.

So I write all this to say, be comforted by Jesus.  He will lead you through and this life is merely a shadow of the eternity to come.  We will see our loved ones again because of our relationship with Jesus.  AND that brings me great comfort.

Love you Colleen.

Heart Song: Contest Time!

I am currently writing a weekly devotional with the key components of The Compass that I wrote about in my first book, Path of the Blessing.   I am so busy right now that I realize I need help.  So here’s where you come in!

I need a total of 52 weekly devotions to cover a year and so far I have written about 20 ways to worship the Lord based on scripture.  I need 32 more ways so I am having a contest. 

Here are the rules:

Post under the comment section telling me how you worship God AND if you have a scripture verse to back that up, even better!  Just leave your first name and city, state where you are from along with the comment so I can give you credit in my book. 

*If I don’t already have that idea down myself, then I will let you know in the comment section that I will use your idea and give you the credit in my book; The Compass.

*Please prayerfully consider your comments being mindful that the purpose of this blog and my book is to encourage one another towards and in relationship with Jesus.

*If you are not familiar with The Compass that is in my book Path of the Blessing, you can find Path of the Blessing through my website: www.pathoftheblessing.com

and read about how The Compass can help us find the most blessed path to take in life. (Also available on www.Amazon.com) 

*The Contest runs December 13, 2012 thru February 13, 2012

Heart Song: Offense

I don’t know about you but offense is a constant struggle to overcome.  Here’s a few examples of times I’ve recently dealt with offense:

Another woman in the aisle has her shopping cart in the way, totally blocking me from viewing the items I need to see.

Offended.

I hear that someone was gossiping about me.

Offended.

I’m driving and someone honks their horn, speeds up, passes me and gives me “the bird.”

Offended.

(There are so many other examples, and maybe right now the Lord is bringing offenses to your mind that you have dealt with for the sole purpose of refining you.)

  What I’ve noticed this last week, more than any other is that God is bringing those times of offense to my blatant attention.  It has been so obvious when I am about to receive an attitude of offense, that it is almost as if time is slowing down for just that moment for me to decide. 

“Am I choosing to be offended, angry, irritated, and bitter or am I choosing to forgive, let it go, extending grace and mercy?”

  So here’s my testimony, that God has been so good to me to reveal these potential offenses, making me more aware of the attitudes I’m receiving.  I’d like to say, “I’ve overcome and that nothing anyone says or does to me causes me to become bitter and offended.  That I let everything just slide off my back.” –But I’m afraid that I’m still a work in progress.  Thank you God for helping me become more aware of the choice of offense.

When you are faced with the choice of offense, what will you choose?