In 2000 I
felt my mind and emotions slipping away with my first baby. I adored her, but the world around me was
completely overwhelming. I was able to
hide my struggle well enough that even the people who were closest to my,
except my husband, never knew.
In 2002 I
had my second baby and now I had tripped into the rabbit hole. My mind and my emotions had teetered over the
edge of what seemed to be no return.
Again, I put on my best face and was able to hide it from everyone until
the melt down at a restaurant. It was
just too much.
My baby was
crying, there was a hot pot of coffee just above my shoulder, a table full of
my husband’s relatives, several of whom I’ve never met, and I’m trying to latch
my baby on to calm her.
The only
thing I can remember is I suddenly stood up and said, “I don’t give a damn” and
quickly walked out of the restaurant with my baby in arms tears running down my
face.
I sat out at
the curb next to the car crying. Alone.
That was the moment I knew I needed help.
Jesus.
Jesus. If you can hear me, please help me.
I suffered from postpartum depression as well! I, too, tried to hide it from everyone, but I finally broke down and talked to my mother whom had also dealt with it. I remember feeling relentless impending doom. It's already stressful and difficult to have a baby and care for that baby. Adding PPD to the mix only makes the situation that much more tumultuous. Thank you for sharing part of your journey. I know this will be something in which a lot of women can find comfort.
ReplyDeleteThank you Rachael! Yes, I hope this will help encourage others as well.
DeleteI've been reading a lot on this lately. I think its awesome that we can come to God even when we don't know whats going on.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Hylaandpetrechols.com. Good thing God is there for us even when we can't feel him!
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