Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Post-Partum Depression & Spinning Plates {Part 2}

I cried out to Jesus for help.  He must have heard my cry, but it still felt impossible to sense his presence at all. 

All along this journey I had been spinning plates; trying to keep up appearances of the perfect mother and wife. 

It just all came crashing down so suddenly.  Then it happened.  I realized that I had fallen down the rabbit hole.  

I wanted out so desperately and as I cried out to God daily with my baby in arms and my toddler hanging on my knee I wondered if God could hear me at all.

I was so far down.  So very far down that hole.  Was I going to be able to come back?

At the urging of my husband I went to the Doctor and he gave me several months supply of samples of anti-depressants. 

I was on those pills for two months.  I didn’t cry, rage, or have suicidal thoughts but I also didn’t laugh, smile, and feel…anything.  I felt numb.

Then one day I just decided that I couldn’t live like that anymore.  I didn’t want to feel depressed but I also wanted to feel again. 

I stopped taking those pills cold turkey. 

A week had passed and I was feeling like my old self again; the self I once was before this post-partum had taken hold of me.

I distinctly remember what happened next.  I went to change my baby’s diaper just like I had done a dozen times before.  Everything felt normal until suddenly I started to feel anger and rage.  It felt like something hot climbing up from my feet and slowly rising up my legs.

I thought for a moment why would this be happening?  I don’t want to live like this anymore!  This is NOT who I am and who I am meant to be!

I whispered the only words I knew that would hopefully give me victory. 

“Get off of me in Jesus name!”

As suddenly as it had come on it had left. 

I felt joy again.

I felt freedom.

I was done spinning plates.  I was done with that rabbit hole.

From that moment on, I knew there was something more that I had personally experienced.  I experienced a tool for freedom from a spiritual enemy.

A tool that is also known as deliverance. 

This has been the path I’ve walked.  If you or someone you know is struggling with post-partum depression, I’d love to pray for you. 

Feel free to leave a comment or contact me through my Facebook page @Pathoftheblessing or Twitter @1BlessedPath 

{Links can also be found in the upper right hand corner of this blog site}

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