In 2000 I felt my mind and emotions slipping away with my first baby. I adored her, but the world around me was completely overwhelming. I was able to hide my struggle well enough that even the people who were closest to my, except my husband, never knew.
In 2002 I had my second baby and now I had tripped into the rabbit hole. My mind and my emotions had teetered over the edge of what seemed to be no return. Again, I put on my best face and was able to hide it from everyone until the melt down at a restaurant. It was just too much.
My baby was crying, there was a hot pot of coffee just above my shoulder, a table full of my husband’s relatives, several of whom I’ve never met, and I’m trying to latch my baby on to calm her.
The only thing I can remember is I suddenly stood up and said, “I don’t give a damn” and quickly walked out of the restaurant with my baby in arms tears running down my face.
I sat out at the curb next to the car crying. Alone. That was the moment I knew I needed help.
Jesus. Jesus. If you can hear me, please help me.