Monday, January 23, 2017

Post-Partum Depression & Spinning Plates

In 2000 I felt my mind and emotions slipping away with my first baby.  I adored her, but the world around me was completely overwhelming.  I was able to hide my struggle well enough that even the people who were closest to my, except my husband, never knew.

In 2002 I had my second baby and now I had tripped into the rabbit hole.  My mind and my emotions had teetered over the edge of what seemed to be no return.  Again, I put on my best face and was able to hide it from everyone until the melt down at a restaurant.  It was just too much. 

My baby was crying, there was a hot pot of coffee just above my shoulder, a table full of my husband’s relatives, several of whom I’ve never met, and I’m trying to latch my baby on to calm her. 

The only thing I can remember is I suddenly stood up and said, “I don’t give a damn” and quickly walked out of the restaurant with my baby in arms tears running down my face.

I sat out at the curb next to the car crying. Alone.  That was the moment I knew I needed help.

Jesus. Jesus. If you can hear me, please help me.

It was a miracle what happened in the next few months.  But I’ll write about THAT in my next blog.


  1. I suffered from postpartum depression as well! I, too, tried to hide it from everyone, but I finally broke down and talked to my mother whom had also dealt with it. I remember feeling relentless impending doom. It's already stressful and difficult to have a baby and care for that baby. Adding PPD to the mix only makes the situation that much more tumultuous. Thank you for sharing part of your journey. I know this will be something in which a lot of women can find comfort.

    1. Thank you Rachael! Yes, I hope this will help encourage others as well.

  2. I've been reading a lot on this lately. I think its awesome that we can come to God even when we don't know whats going on.

    1. I agree with you Good thing God is there for us even when we can't feel him!