Post-Partum Depression & Spinning Plates {Part 2}

I cried out to Jesus for help.  He must have heard my cry, but it still felt impossible to sense his presence at all. 

All along this journey I had been spinning plates; trying to keep up appearances of the perfect mother and wife. 

It just all came crashing down so suddenly.  Then it happened.  I realized that I had fallen down the rabbit hole.  

I wanted out so desperately and as I cried out to God daily with my baby in arms and my toddler hanging on my knee I wondered if God could hear me at all.

I was so far down.  So very far down that hole.  Was I going to be able to come back?

At the urging of my husband I went to the Doctor and he gave me several months supply of samples of anti-depressants. 

I was on those pills for two months.  I didn’t cry, rage, or have suicidal thoughts but I also didn’t laugh, smile, and feel…anything.  I felt numb.

Then one day I just decided that I couldn’t live like that anymore.  I didn’t want to feel depressed but I also wanted to feel again. 

I stopped taking those pills cold turkey. 

A week had passed and I was feeling like my old self again; the self I once was before this post-partum had taken hold of me.

I distinctly remember what happened next.  I went to change my baby’s diaper just like I had done a dozen times before.  Everything felt normal until suddenly I started to feel anger and rage.  It felt like something hot climbing up from my feet and slowly rising up my legs.

I thought for a moment why would this be happening?  I don’t want to live like this anymore!  This is NOT who I am and who I am meant to be!

I whispered the only words I knew that would hopefully give me victory. 

“Get off of me in Jesus name!”

As suddenly as it had come on it had left. 

I felt joy again.

I felt freedom.

I was done spinning plates.  I was done with that rabbit hole.

From that moment on, I knew there was something more that I had personally experienced.  I experienced a tool for freedom from a spiritual enemy.

A tool that is also known as deliverance. 

This has been the path I’ve walked.  If you or someone you know is struggling with post-partum depression, I’d love to pray for you. 

Feel free to leave a comment or contact me through my Facebook page @Pathoftheblessing or Twitter @1BlessedPath 

{Links can also be found in the upper right hand corner of this blog site}

Post-Partum Depression & Spinning Plates

In 2000 I felt my mind and emotions slipping away with my first baby.  I adored her, but the world around me was completely overwhelming.  I was able to hide my struggle well enough that even the people who were closest to my, except my husband, never knew.

In 2002 I had my second baby and now I had tripped into the rabbit hole.  My mind and my emotions had teetered over the edge of what seemed to be no return.  Again, I put on my best face and was able to hide it from everyone until the melt down at a restaurant.  It was just too much. 

My baby was crying, there was a hot pot of coffee just above my shoulder, a table full of my husband’s relatives, several of whom I’ve never met, and I’m trying to latch my baby on to calm her. 

The only thing I can remember is I suddenly stood up and said, “I don’t give a damn” and quickly walked out of the restaurant with my baby in arms tears running down my face.

I sat out at the curb next to the car crying. Alone.  That was the moment I knew I needed help.

Jesus. Jesus. If you can hear me, please help me.

It was a miracle what happened in the next few months.  But I’ll write about THAT in my next blog.

3 Ways to Know if You’ve Walked Off the Path of The Blessing

Life isn’t always peaches and cream.  

Life can unexpectedly serve up steamed green beans.  

In my life, I’ve found these 3 ways to be the most common ways I end up finding myself on a path that I didn’t plan on walking. 

Obviously, sin is the #1 answer, but I wanted to get a little bit more personal, so here we go!

1) Relationships.  I’ve chosen friends in my past, that are controlling and I end up becoming the friend that feels the need to make her happy to keep our friendship.  I’ve been a people pleaser.  After the fun of the new friendship wears off, and without healthy boundaries in place, I am resentful of that friend.  This relationship can also be dating relationships and marriages.  -Yikes! I know I’m speaking to someone out there who knows exactly what I mean. 

2) Misuse of Finances.  In years prior, I’ve wanted to fit in so badly with the community that surrounds me that I’ve racked up quite a credit card debt.  I didn’t honor God with the money that he’s blessed me with and I didn’t honor my husband.  I’ve been sneaky.  That path led to regret and mistrust between my husband and me.

3) Following Leaders Who Don’t Lead.  My husband and I have sat under the authority of leaders who don’t lead us deeper into the things of God.  We’ve innocently placed ourselves under such leadership with illusions of grandeur and false expectations.  When the promises fall flat, you see behind the curtain, and you realize it’s never going to happen.  This path is loaded with disappointment and unforgiveness.  This leader can also be a leader at work and in the home, such as your husband. -again, yikes! 

The good news is there is a way to get back onto the Path of the Blessing. -and when I say “the” I’m referring to God’s path for your life. 

If you want to know more, you can find my book, “Path of the Blessing: Abraham, Isaac, Jacob” on Amazon

Don't Give Up, Stand Up!

•             When Hannah felt like giving up, she stood up.

•             When we feel like giving up, choose to stand up!

•             When you want to give up, stand up!

These thoughts flooded my mind after reading 1 Samuel 1:1-20.  It’s a true account of a woman named Hannah, her husband Elkahana, and Elkahana’s other wife Peninnah.  Peninnah was jealous of Hannah because Elkahana always blessed Hannah with twice as much when it came time to journey to make the annual sacrifice for the covering and cleansing of sins.  Hannah received twice as much because she had no children.  I find it strange that Peninnah acted this way towards Hannah due to the fact that Peninnah was the one who was able to bear children, while Hannah had none.  Peninnah was blessed but it wasn’t enough.  Hannah was afflicted by two hardships; she was bullied by a jealous woman and she wasn’t able to have children.

I’ve been in Hannah’s shoes many times in my life from elementary school and onward and I’m sure you have as well.  Girlfriends jealous of what you have, who you’re friends with, and intellect on a subject that somehow they feel inferior in.  When women act out these emotions of jealousy it looks a lot like lying, gossip, bullying, verbal and physical abuse.  Hannah was experiencing some of these reactions from her rival Peninnah.  Peninnah had purposed to irritate Hannah to the point that Hannah would cry and not eat.  Year after year this scenario would play out and Hannah would be bullied by Peninnah while the ever-present reminder that she was barren was on the forefront of her mind.

Then one year, one day, Hannah changed everything.  Hannah was at the Temple and when she had finished eating and drinking, Hannah stood up.  She did something different than in years’ past.  Hannah not only wept, same as before, but she prayed to the Lord and made a vow to dedicate her son to the Lord in service for his whole life; that is if the Lord was to give her a son.  She was extremely distraught as she prayed in her heart and the priest Eli sees her lips moving but no sound is coming out and therefore accuses her of being drunk. 

Not only is her rival beating her down verbally and now the priest too?  He had no idea what was really going on in the background of her life.  This is exactly what happens today.  People making assumptions about you without knowing what you’re going through.  Here Eli assumed that Hannah was drunk out of her mind in the Temple.  Instead, as she explains, she is “deeply troubled” and that she was “pouring out my soul to the Lord” and also that “I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief”.

 Has there ever been a time, a situation, and a relationship that has been of great anguish to your soul; a time where your heart aches inside of your flesh that it almost feels like you just can’t take it anymore?  Hannah got to that point and she made a choice.  She made the choice to not to give up, but stand up and do something different.  She decided to break the cycle, take a risk and in her desperation for breakthrough, risking her self-image before the priest in the Temple she laid her soul bare before God.

Hannah could have looked at the priest in all her hurt and pain and could have walked away feeling like the world was against her, but again, she pressed through.  She stood up for herself by explaining her demeanor.  After hearing Hannah’s explanation, Eli blessed her with words of encouragement.  Many times all we need is someone to just listen and encourage us.

This is our chance to view this situation from two different sides.  1) We can be the “Eli” in someone else’s life by listening and bringing an encouraging word at just the right moment or 2) We can be the “Hannah” who is in desperate need of an encouraging word, take that word and use it to pull us out of our despair. Hannah didn’t give up, she stood up.  At any given moment we are either one or the other.

The story of Hannah’s struggle ends with a son whom she names Samuel which was “because I asked the Lord for him.”  It ended because she asked the Lord for his intervention in her life.  Possibly this heartache could have been resolved sooner if she had chosen to stand up and pour her heart out to the Lord in any of the given years prior.  Don’t wait any longer, choose to be like Hannah; stand up.  Don’t shut God out when you are deeply troubled, choose to invite Him into your situation. Don’t give up, stand up.

I’m choosing to not give up on finishing a weekly devotional I had started years ago and as of this week I’ve stood up against feelings of frustration and failure.  I tried something I had never tried before, a new women’s group who prayed words of encouragement over me.  Just like Hannah, I believe my breakthrough is on its way. 

Women Competing with Other Women Spells DISASTER

If you’re not familiar with the book of Esther stop reading this blog and give it a read and then come back to this blog.

Esther was a young woman who was in a competition, but she wasn’t competitive.  She was forced to live in a system and a society where she was competing for the heart of the king.  Even in scripture Esther is recorded as not wanting to be in the position she was placed in.  She didn’t want to be there, she didn’t want to compete and tried to live as normal of a life as possible while experiencing life within the walls of the kingdom.  Eventually Esther does meet the king and he favors her above all women.  He chooses her for his wife and the competition is over.

Do you think those other women were jealous of each other during this time?  The Bible doesn’t say exactly, but in my experience if there is an atmosphere of competition then there is jealousy.  Our society today is nothing BUT competition.  We live in a system that confronts us with competitive situations daily and for women that can spell D*I*S*A*S*T*E*R when we choose to participate in competition.

What situation do you find yourself in?

•       You and another woman are competing with one another
•       You are competing with another woman but she won’t compete with you
•       Another woman is competing with you but you won’t compete with her

Esther wasn’t competing; she took on the attitude that if God wants to promote her then she was there for that specific time and place to be used by God for His purposes.  I believe that is the call on all of our lives.  That God promotes and elevates each one of us at a specific time for a specific purpose.  Esther wasn’t promoted to queen just to show the world how beautiful she was, even though she is noted for her beauty.  Esther wasn’t promoted to queen because she was better than everyone else.  Esther WAS promoted as queen to seek the favor of the king so that he might save her people, the Jews.  It was a political move spiritually.  If this is the call for all of us, to be used for a specific time and purpose, to make a difference in this world; to attack the kingdom of darkness in strategic political attacks, then why would any of us women want to compete?  We should be standing by one another, cheering each other on for each success.  Each time a woman you know is elevated and promoted we should share in their joy realizing that God is positioning her for a political attack on the enemy.  When we become jealous of each other, what we’re really doing is working against what God has planned for each one of us.  We are tearing apart the strategic plan making it unsuccessful in defeating our enemy, the devil.

¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

Instead of tearing apart God’s plan for each one of us, let’s tear apart what spells D*I*S*A*S*T*E*R, stop competing with the women around us and start building up one another spelling a much needed word; S*I*S*T*E*R.  When we drop the DIA from the word DISASTER what we are really dropping is a word that is defined in the dictionary as a prefix meaning: apart.  Let’s all make the choice today to not separate and pull apart one another through competition but embrace each other as SISTERS in the Lord.

If you are experiencing a situation where someone is competing with you, have you decided not to compete with them?  In what ways are you not competing with them? Have you ever experience a friendship with another woman that started as competition then changed to sisterhood in the Lord? –Please share your story to encourage others.

The Beauty of a Woman Inside & Out: Beauty Secrets from the Bible

My Beautiful Sister Who is Beautiful Inside and Out

Christiana Aguilera got it right when she sang, “You are beautiful, no matter what they say.”  God made all of us beautiful.  Ecclesiastes 3:11 says ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time.  EVERYTHING. (That includes you and I)  –Isn’t that exciting? The God of the universe calls US beautiful!  So why don’t we always see ourselves that way?

   I asked the Lord to give me a personal story of when I have felt insecure about who I am and the beauty He created me to be and as I waited, I had about a zillion memories come to mind.  But the one I want to tell you about is one that I think every woman can relate to. 

  Back in 2006 my husband had landed a large account and we were invited to go to the corporate party in Bellevue.  I was so nervous, not really knowing what to expect and of course I had to go shopping for a new outfit because suddenly everything I had in my closet was old. –Nobody else ever does that right? .... So I’m at the mall, looking at every store, not finding anything (Because that’s just how it is when you need to find an outfit, they all just aren’t good enough) I finally find this cute top and skirt and decide to go with that.

  So we’re headed to the event and I’m feeling pretty confident in the way I look.  My hair was lookin’ good, my make-up was on, and I had on a new outfit.  I felt beautiful.  That is until I got off of the elevator and walked into the conference room.  I had never seen so many physically beautiful people in one room in my life!  Suddenly I felt like I had on the most boring outfit ever and when I checked myself out in the mirror in the ladies room next to the other women, I felt like I wanted to just hide.  They were so externally beautiful and my view of myself at that moment was that I was not.  I was believing the lie that I was NOT beautiful, but average.  While all the while I’m sure God was trying to yell to me, “Hey Tasha!  Remember you are beautiful, I’ve made you beautiful!”  -I just couldn’t hear Him with the loud voice insecurity that I was carrying.

Insecurity.  That’s one of the Beauty Secrets that we need to know about.  It functions like some really UGLY sunglasses that block our view of who we really are.

  Do you think that the women in the Bible ever wore UGLY sunglasses of insecurity?   You know those women in the Old Testament wore a lot of things both UGLY and Beautiful just like we do today.  In fact, you might not realize it, but the matriarchs of Christianity had struggles just like us.  They weren’t perfect. –Isn’t that great news?  The Bible says that we are to model ourselves after the holy women of the past.

1 Peter 3:3-5 (New International Readers Version)

 ³ Braiding your hair doesn't make you beautiful. Wearing gold jewelry or fine clothes doesn't make you beautiful. ⁴Instead, your beauty comes from inside you. It is the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Beauty like that doesn't fade away. God places great value on it.

 ⁵ This is how the holy women of the past used to make themselves beautiful. They put their hope in God. And they followed the lead of their own husbands.

  Who were those holy women?  They were the women who were married to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob   –Anyone remember their wives names?  They were Sarah, Rebekah and Rachel.  I want to look at just two of these women; Sarah and Rebekah.

  In my book “Path of the Blessing,” you’ll learn about a few of the choices they made that determined their path in life and how beauty played a part on that path.  –I’m talking external AND internal beauty.  So if God says in His word that we are to look to these women and follow their example, then we should do that!

  In Part 1 Chapter 2 of my book, “Path of the Blessing” we see how Abraham’s wife, Sarah, Sarai at the time, experiences how beauty brings about blessings from God. 

Here's an excerpt from my book:

      Now we’ve come to a situation in Abram’s life that dispels any misconception that he was “perfect.”  There was a famine and he and his wife Sarai went to Egypt because Egypt always had more than enough food.  While there he lied to Pharaoh and said that Sarai was his sister. 

   The Pharaoh believed his little lie and because of Sarai’s beauty, Pharaoh gave him wealth.  Pharaoh was so taken with her beauty that he was going to make Sarai one of his wives, so he blessed Abram with abundant wealth.

(So the Pharaoh found out that Sarai was Abraham’s wife and let her go and the Pharaoh sent them on their way with everything they had)

Let’s look at the situation that Abram and Sarai just walked out of in Egypt.  They received favor from men, especially Pharaoh and they received and acquired abundant wealth.  These blessings were not attained by lying, but a direct result of Sarai’s beauty.  Sarai’s beauty is a blessing that came from the Lord. So we can attribute every blessing that Abram received in Egypt as from the Lord.  It had nothing to do with Pharaoh or lying. Nevertheless, Abram kept on walking on his path of blessing, slipping a little but still moving forward.  

  So what we see here is that Sarah was so beautiful even the Egyptians desired her for her beauty.  Do you think that the Egyptians saw her internal beauty at first?  -I don’t think so.  I think it was her external beauty.  –But remember at this point, Sarah and Abraham were not very wealthy.  Their wealth was in livestock and not jewelry.  So Sarah had a beauty that didn’t necessarily require the enhancements that we have today.  She was beautiful all on her own.

  Let’s look at Rebekah.  In Part 2 Chapter 1 of  “Path of the Blessing” we see how Abraham’s chief servant adorned Rebekah with gold:

  The chief servant gave Rebekah gifts and asked who she is.  The gifts were a gold nose ring and two gold bracelets. 

   Rebekah ran and told her family about what was going on and her brother Lehman ran out to meet the man at the spring. “As soon as he had seen the nose ring, and the bracelets on his sister's arm, and had heard Rebekah tell what the man said to her, he went out to the man and found him standing by the camels near the spring.  ‘Come, you who are blessed by the Lord,’ he said.” 

(Wow! Now this time God was blessing Rebekah with a gold nose ring and gold bracelets; enhancing her beauty! AND do you know what happens next?)

   After hearing the whole story, Rebekah's family agreed that this is from the Lord.  They then said to take her and go and let her become the wife of the servant’s master. When Abraham's servant heard what they said, he bowed down to the ground before the Lord. (Praising God)  Then the servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and clothes and gave them to Rebekah.  He also brought out costly gifts to her brother and her mother. 

  God blessed Rebekah with gold and silver jewelry and clothes to enhance her beauty.  –Are you getting a picture of how we are to be beautiful like these women? Which one do you model your beauty after; who do you relate to, Sarai or Rebekah?

So in one case, beauty resulted in blessings and in the other, blessings resulted in increased beauty.  –Ah Ha!  Another Beauty Secret!  When we walk on the path of the blessing we become more beautiful!

  So I ask you to think about what is stopping you from walking on that path; from realizing your own beauty?

Sometimes we don’t recognize the beauty that we are because of the UGLY we’ve layered on top.  –What do I mean?  Well since I’m a fan of fashion, think of yourself; your beautiful self as who you are right now.  Then we tend to cover that beauty up with UGLY fashion.

-Like the UGLY sunglasses of Insecurity

-The UGLY scarf of Gossip

-The UGLY jacket of Lying and Deceit

-The UGLY hat of Jealousy

-The UGLY handbag of Unforgiveness

And the list goes on…

  Have you ever known anyone that is beautiful until you get to know them?  Then you start to see the UGLY that’s all over them.  Have you noticed how this UGLY can really weigh a person down?  It’s much harder to be the person that I’m supposed to be if I’m being restrained by all of this UGLY!

So what can we do about this all of this UGLY? The Bible has a solution.  In fact it’s another Beauty Secret.  It’s better than any beauty treatment you can find.  –Oh and it’s free! –Even better right?

Hebrews 12:1-3

 ¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

  Fixing our eyes on Jesus and throwing all of that UGLY off reveals the true beauty that you are.  Jesus is the ONLY one that can help us start the process of revealing more and more of the beauty within.

What is the Beauty that you are? Who were you created to be? –Start the process by inviting Jesus to be the Lord of your life and if you already are in a relationship with Jesus, then start by getting alone and just ask Him to reveal the UGLY in your life and let the Beauty Treatments of refining begin!

If you've realized the love that God has for you and how He views you as beautiful, then share about it in the comments below!  *You can also check out pictures from this talk I held as a Women's Event at my website: www.pathoftheblessing.com

"American Idol"

American Idol is one of the most popular reality shows that’s viewed weekly.  If you’re not familiar with the show, let me explain…the contestants compete against each other with eliminations each week.  They all are hoping to be the last one standing to be bestowed with the title, “American Idol.” 

Have you ever thought about that title?  The person with that title will be the “Idol” of all Americans –well the Americans who tune in and vote.  That winner, the “American Idol,” will be someone who is admonished, adored, applauded, and even worshipped by most.  They are given special privileges and rights because of their title as “Idol” and we continue to applaud them even though they have no clue who we are individually.  The “Idol” doesn’t know us personally even though we worship them and buy their albums.  What is the benefit, then, to believing in and worshipping an “Idol”?

How about another type of idol?  I’m not talking about the show “American Idol,” I’m talking about the term idol defined as:

idol |ˈīdl|

noun

an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.

• a person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered

In Genesis chapter 31, Rachel is leaving her father’s household with her husband Jacob and her sister Leah to travel home.  Just before she leaves, she decides to take her father’s household gods and hide them.  Here is an excerpt from my book, “Path of the Blessing”:

   Rachel and Leah agreed that they should do whatever God tells them to do and Jacob then leaves with everything he had accumulated to go back to his father Isaac.

   While leaving, Rachel steals her father’s household gods.  Now why in the world would Rachel feel that she needed to bring in some false gods into her life right after she has just witnessed how the Lord has been providing for her abundantly?  But this happens all the time in today’s world.  Right after experiencing a blessing from God on their path, many choose to go back to cling to the false gods of their past. 

   It’s hard to let go, and move forward onto an unknown path, and the false gods that used to bring comfort, are beckoning for us to return to them.  That comfort can come in the form of alcoholism, drug abuse, food addiction, deception, controlling attitudes, people pleasing instead of God pleasing, vanity, isolation, pornography addictions, self-pity, lying, astrology and so on.

   Rachel’s faith was wavering on her path, returning to the gods of her past and bringing them along on the journey ahead was a bad move and this was causing her to slip a little on her path of blessing.

Today we are the same as Rachel was thousands of years ago; struggling to let go of our idols.  What have you made and American Idol in your life?  What have you given special rights and privileges to that aren’t benefiting you? Are you ready to let go?

Here’s my challenge to you~

Let those false gods of safety, security and comfort stay behind as you move forward on your path of blessing; deepening your relationship with the One True God all the more.  Take a moment and write down what those false gods are in your life that you need to let go of, then throw that paper away!  Get a fresh start on a new path!

What is the Value of a Woman?

It amazes me how many Google searches find my little blog when instead they were hoping to find a site involving the sex industry.  Here is my keyword search record and number of times those phrases were searched from Google, (excluding the legitimate searches):

hot christian women 7

hot raven haired women 2

raven hair girls 2

raven haired girl 2

hot raven girl 1

hottest raven haired chick ever 1

hottest raven haired women 1

Were they looking for a porn blog site?  Were they looking to purchase a girl to sell for sex?  Either way, this isn’t it.

It’s time we start to value the people around us.

Proverbs 31:10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. (KJV)

As I researched this topic, I found this verse and I wondered what it meant by a virtuous woman.  Does this mean only the virtuous women are valued far above rubies? Is this verse exclusive to only virtuous women?  What if I don’t fit into that category, am I not valuable?

In Strong’s Concordance, the word translated as virtuous in this verse is the Hebrew word  חַיִל (chayil) which not only is used for the word virtuous but also used to represent many other words.  This Hebrew word also means strength, ability to acquire wealth, efficiency, power, force and army (especially warlike).

So you could certainly say that ALL girls, women young and old alike, fall into this description.  We should really read this verse with all of these definitions in mind:

Who can find a strong woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Who can find an able woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Who can find an efficient woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Who can find a powerful woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Who can find a forceful and warlike woman? for her price is far above rubies.

This is how women are meant to be and be viewed.  We are not objects, we are meant to be valued far above rubies.  So what about you?  Do you value the mothers, the sisters, and the daughters in your life?  If you are reading this as a woman, do you see yourself and value yourself this way? –God does!  Jesus is our mediator and because of His death and resurrection, His grace covers all of our sins.

Romans 3:23-25

23 Everyone has sinned. No one measures up to God's glory. 24 The free gift of God's grace makes all of us right with him. Christ Jesus paid the price to set us free. 25 God gave him as a sacrifice to pay for sins. So he forgives the sins of those who have faith in his blood. (NIRV)

What is the value of a woman?  Take a moment and think about this and write down how YOU ARE a virtuous or חַיִל (chayil) woman.  Then start seeing yourself that way and encourage others around you to see the women, young and old, that way too.